Understanding you better, letter by letter

I could not satisfy the physical urge in you,  which was a distressing mechanism for your release.

You were seeking highs that I couldn’t provide. Me being me, comfortable in my skin, nourished, never could figure out your fears.
I could not understand because I never understood such issues existed in people.

My personal reaction was an overblown series of dramatic consequences due to my inability to grasp such characters, which seemed straight out of a cinema.

I had only heard of movie stars having a nervous break down back then.
I did not realize you were lost. I see so many lost people at times now. I understand.
One coping mechanism after another, shells over shells. Cocooned deep beneath, is a beautiful butterfly, untested and potential untapped, due to situations, not able to find the direction.

We always had some kind of learning and unlearning to do between us.
You have given me a lot, unknowingly or knowingly. You fought to live, the little suicidal in you fought. The little strong girl. I used to get hurt expecting you couldn’t do some unexpected things. And that left both of us hurt.
I want to unwrap those twisted and dark corners in you, I want to see you explore.

May you take flight.I want to see you take flight.

This is between you and me. No one else. Ever.

Serpent of Time

Ripples and waves in water, muddy and murky, what causes it?
where is the greatest source for good.

Where does battle take place and who wins,
wherein lies the truth?

The thinking man knows,
Of what is lust and desire made?

Who controls and consumes,
And who courageous & bold to shower and give?
Those who doth need do,
yet do both.

 

-Ford.

Quote · February 24, 2016February 24, 2016 · Leave a comment ·

my personal diary

“I am grateful to the world and its people, for if it hadn’t been so as it has been, a series of waves, turbulences, undercurrents of anger, betrayal and the feeling of being pushed; if it hadn’t been for poking me, hurting me, challenging me, I wouldn’t have been toppled from my ever slumbering fairy-tale of a quiet and relatively prolonged childhood and dragged into a relatively mature and pragmatic world that would pierce me like thorns, undesired yet no way out, until it enraged me so much so as to scream loud enough with affirmation to build a body of steel, focus on one dream, that one achievement that will accomplish everything that comes in my life. This is my mission. And I am a missionary. I salivate in hunger to achieve my goals. It is a slap back at whatever it is that played around with me.

Was it my fate unfolding.

Whom am I slapping back?

Myself?

What deeds unfolded that dragged me into this?

I need to clear my head, resolve these issues. A child in me is hurt. I am doing whatever I am to empower this child so no one can hurt him, topple him ever again. It sounds revengeful but I hurt no one. I keep everything to myself and probably hurt myself further. Is it time to release? Is it time yet to show off? Is it time I show to the world that this child has grown up? You cannot toy with him anymore. He is secure. He is ever-growing. He has that power that shields him from any blow? He doesn’t want to cry. He wants his peace back. He wants his childhood back. He wants the good things in life back. Simple little good things is all his life is about.

He wants to prove that he can and go back to where he was. Ever happy and playing in his world. That’s all he wants. And a happy world.”

The newly wed

So many sides that aid her defences,
As many sides that aid his’,

 

A mans’ insecurity baffles a woman,
When he spits words of fire, so does she.

For then the woman doesn’t understand a mans desires,
it lasts for the moment and the heart becomes vulnerable.

For times he longs her to admire,
And offer her comforts to his needs.

All that a man seeks is knowledge,
Knowledge that will set him free,

Knowledge that she knows him too well,
And so does he.

Eclipse, Dark, TRACEs and light

Ageing clocks have ticked away the lives of flowers that have reached their very nadir. With time, average mortals wither their expectations. They shudder, they muster their long lost strength. They despair and hope.

With age, their glory and hopes decline, their years of nourishing a dream they have in their minds that befits the young and steady starts forgetting them. The wise and old, they falter. Some stammer, some tremor. They leave the warmth of a bed they had for a companion for years.

“This is that eclipse” I tell her.

“I remember.” She nods.

“Yes you have lived through this before”

And she will live through it once more with me. Says the Sun, to the moon.

Darkness is all about valuing that time. This is when one musters faith and the other holds hands, in times of metamorphosis, facing each other ever so close to each other. Nature is full of surprises. She changes with time as so do the sun and the moon, during these times of the eclipse, who have been a witness to her dance.

The two heavenly bodies circle this blue eye in space, unending darkness and streams of celestial light playing their game they have played since the birth of time itself.

“We don’t get time enough to spend together” Says the moon to the sun.

Facing each other but never faltering on duties. Only in his light, she shines. They don’t talk much, except for the eclipse, that auspicious moment that humans so reek of, in fear. They join hands when others hide. In this time, when one shines over the other, they learn to embrace each other every once in a while.

Men succumb to either extremes. They burn up in his little flares or get consumed in her darkness. Only a few understand the balance.

One dawns upon the other and the other basks in glory of their partner. A time when they make merry. Only the sport, the adventurous who have waited for this moment witness the beauty of this play between the light and dark. They know the two are incomplete without each other. Life, in its spectrum, covers all such contrasts.

“We will meet again.” He beams his strength to her.

“We will.” She stares back at him as he beams steadily at her, signalling the ray of diamond is about to burst, a celestial gift to her no mortal can keep. Into light.

The sun. My king.